The Cake

For the last rehearsal of Act Two I interviewed my mum about wedding cake protocol and initiated a cake off between the MOB and the MOG. I am interested in the clashes that could occur at the table e.g. the FOB and the FOG arguing about road directions.

All: To the mother of the Groom for the cake

FOB: Tell me how did you get it so… hard

MOG: You have three tins of different sizes

MOB: Do you line the tins with greaseproof paper before you put it in?

MOG: You wrap brown paper or newspaper around the outside because they have to bake on a long, slow heat until they’re cooked.

MOB: Do you cook them all for different lengths?

MOG: In my oven I can only fit one in at a time.

MOB: In my oven I could have fitted all three

MOG: You cook them several months ahead if you can and then you store them and you keep putting brandy or sherry or whatever in them when you want to feed them.

FOB: Sounds like a good life to me

MOB: You turn them upside down and pour it into the bottom of the cake.

MOG: And then you put the almond paste on and then you leave that to dry out.

MOB: Because if you put the icing on too quickly it turns yellow.

MOG: Then you either use royal icing which is made of egg white

MOB Or you buy fondant icing which you can roll out.

MOG: The old fashioned way is to have pillars between each tier

MOB: Or you can just put them on top of each other and put your flowers on

GMOB: Of course the tradition is that you keep the top tier for the christening

MOG: Well they better get a move on because the top tier’s a sponge cake

MOB: Why didn’t you make it a fruit cake?

MOG: Because I was told someone had an allergy

FOG: I’m allergic to dried fruit

FOB: I’m allergic to marzipan

BM 1: I’m allergic to egg white

BD 1: I have a nut allergy

BD 2 I’m lactose intolerant

MOB: I’m allergic to sherry

MOG: I’m allergic to brandy

GMOB: I don’t like sponge cake

MOG: Well I don’t suppose anyone will eat it at the Christening either then